Quote:
From Me to ***********@*************.org:
Hey,
Do you still need rolls of carpet? I have a deal worked out with a carpet wholesaler and can get you as many carpets as you need.
Thanks,
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
yeah I just need one how much do you want for it
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
I am asking $50 for the roll of carpet. It sounds like you also need some cleaning supplies. Luckily, I also sell gloves, mops, buckets, spray bottles, garbage bags, as well as disinfectants, odor removal chemicals, and enzyme solvents, in case you are interested in any of that.
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
what? I dont need any of that just the rug
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Are you sure? It sounds like you need this rug to take care of a "problem", and you might want the cleaning supplies to clean up the rest of that problem.
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
my only problem is that i need this carpet and you are trying to sell me cleaning stuff
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Look, you don't have to fool me. There is only one reason to urgently need a rug. It is pretty clear that you killed someone and need to get rid of them.
I've been there, man...whether it is a friend who overdosed on drugs, or a dead hooker, it is important that you clean everything up. You can't just roll them up in a carpet and forget about them. Don't worry, I can help you.
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
i didnt kill a hooker what the hell is wrong with you? i need the carpet for my apartment to replace my old stained carpet so i dont get screwed on my security deposit which is why i need it fast
From Me to *********@comcast.net:
Hey man, I'm not one to judge you. I understand that accidents happen. Maybe she didn't tell you when to stop choking her, or maybe you didn't realize that roofie you slipped in her Cosmo was actually cyanide. Either way, a dead hooker isn't the end of the world. Hookers die all the time; it comes with their line of work. The important thing is to stay calm and make sure that you clean everything up.
You have a good cover story with the security deposit. You are smart to get rid of the old blood-stained carpet, but you still will need my cleaning supplies. A small blood stain on the top of the rug is usually a much larger stain underneath the rug, and you can't simply put a new rug on top of it. With my dead hooker cleanup package, it comes with everything you need to clean up the "accident" and make it look like it never happened. The entire package, including the rug, will only cost you $100.
You should act soon before it is too late!
Mike
From *********@comcast.net to Me:
is everyone on craigslist this crazy or is it just you? all i want is the carpet and you are being a huge pain in my ass. ill find one from someone who isnt a goddamn psycho
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Deze is ook geweldig!
Quote:
From Me to **********@***********.org:
Hey,
I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
I am. lets see what you got.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Here you go:
Looks like a normal spoon, right?
Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.
I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.
From Me to Jeff ******:
Jeff,
Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:
At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.
Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.
This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.
Let me know if you want any of these items.
Thanks,
Mike
From Jeff ****** to Me:
youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die.
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in dat bekertje 
Quote:
From Me to **********@************.org:
Hello,
Are you still looking for someone to inspect your sewage pipe?
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
Yes I am...do you have a pipe camera?
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
I don't have a pipe camera, but I do believe I have the means to help you. I am a little person (3 foot 2 inches) and think I would be able to fit down the pipe. I will not only find the problem, but I might even be able to fix it. I will gladly do this for $150 compensation.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
You get stuck in the pipe and then I have a real problem.. No thanks.
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
I promise I will not get stuck in your pipe. I have done similar jobs for a contractor and have had nothing but positive results. If you are concerned about me getting stuck, I can bring a tub of olive oil and cover myself in it so I will not stick to anything.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
No. The ad was for a pipe camera guy...NO MIDGETS
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
First off, we prefer to be called "little people," not "midgets." I thought your ad was simply looking for a solution to your problem, not specifically a pipe camera operator. Us little people have to deal with jerks like you all of the time, and it is very discouraging. Perhaps you should change your ad to express your hatred for little people. That way you will not waste the time of any other potential little person plumbers.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
I'm wasting your time huh... You're wasting my time you stupid little fucker...the last thing I need is a damn midget clogging my drain. Thats right you're a MIDGET not a little person. You midgets are so touchy!
From Me to Ben ******:
Ben,
I am going to have to report your ad for being discriminating against little people, and for you being plain mean and hurtful. Just because we have little bodies does not mean that we have little feelings. Maybe next time you will be more considerate.
Mike
From Ben ****** to Me:
Go ahead you fucking midget! Hey guess what. You can come over here and suck my dick and you dont even have to sit down to do it! hahahaha!!!
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